Living on autopilot: why life seems not to change

When was the last time you stopped to ask whether this is really what you want? For many people, days become a sequence of tasks done without thinking. Nothing is exactly wrong, yet nothing seems to be in your hands either.

Not all autopilot is a problem

Habits save energy: you don’t need to think to brush your teeth or to walk the route home. The question begins when autopilot takes over what matters most, such as career, relationships and decisions about the future, and life starts happening without you taking part in it.

What autopilot may protect

Psychoanalysis speaks of defenses: automatic ways the mind protects itself from what is hard to feel. Being always busy, solving things, producing, can be one of them. While the schedule is full, there is little room for uncomfortable questions such as “am I happy with this?” or “what do I truly desire?”. Autopilot serves a purpose. The cost appears when it becomes the only way of living.

The question that changes the point of view

Instead of blaming yourself for not changing, it is worth asking: what does this autopilot spare me? It may be the fear of getting it wrong, the guilt of disappointing someone, the dread of losing what you already have. Naming what is at stake is often the beginning of being able to choose.

Signs worth paying attention to

• Days feel the same and you barely remember what you did last week.
• You postpone important decisions, waiting for a “right moment” that never comes.
• You feel life happens to you, not by your choice.
• You do what is expected of you, but no longer know what you yourself want.

Questions to reflect on

• What do I do on autopilot that, deep down, I would like to choose?
• What do I avoid feeling when my schedule is always full?
• If I could change one small thing this week, what would it be?

When to seek help

If, besides the autopilot, you feel sadness that does not go away, loss of interest in things, constant tiredness or hopelessness, seek a medical or psychological assessment. These may have causes that go beyond psychoanalysis and deserve attention. When the feeling is of a repeated life and you want to understand better what lies behind it, analysis offers a space for that.

Want to look at what repeats? Take the Pattern Map.

Read also: Why do we repeat the same patterns?

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